Then Jesus took his disciples up on the mountain and gathered them around
him . . .
And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying,
3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Then Simon Peter said, "Do we have to write this down?"
And Andrew said, "Are we supposed to know this?"
And Philip said, "What if we don't know it?"
And Bartholomew said, "Do we have to turn this in?"
And Matthew said, "When do we get out of here?"
And Judas said, "What does this have to do with real life?"
Then one of the Pharisees present asked to see Jesus' lesson plans and inquired of Jesus his annual goals and short term objectives in the cognitive, affective and psychomotor domain.
And Jesus wept.